The end of a year always brings a period of looking back and looking ahead. What kind of year did I have and what am I looking forward to or dreading in the year ahead? When dealing with a serious illness in the family, that reflecting has a unique lens.

I had years I didn’t know how we all got through and ones I wish we could have over and over again. This year marks another one without Taylor and that will never feel right. But there were many joys too and the coming year will hopefully bring more.

As I reflect on 2016, I am filled with joy and pride about the young women my two daughters have become. Many of their formative years were overwhelmed by Taylor’s illness and the loss of the crazy normalcy of home life. Their worlds were rocked by their sister’s death, but they found a way to get through the grief and lead meaningful lives. They fill my heart with love every day.

I am also proud of the accomplishments of Conquering Kidz Cancer. What started as a small, local fundraiser has grown to be a major supporter of breakthrough initiatives in pediatric cancer research. The research our wonderful donors have enabled has saved lives and given meaningful hope to kids in battle. The promise of a brighter future is a real one. And we continue to advocate for legislative change – speaking out loudly and clearly for children and families who cannot speak for themselves.

I came into the world of pediatric cancer the hard way and I of course would give anything not to have gone through what endured. At the same time, my work means the world to me and I cannot think of anything that is more important. Spending time with a sick child or advising the parents of one is to know these people at their rawest. To be trusted with their thoughts and feelings is an honor. Taylor’s goal was to save children from going through what she did and while she was stopped short, I will continue to fight in her honor and with pride.

With deepest hope for continued good work in pediatric cancer research and advocacy, warmest wishes to families in battle, and deepest appreciation for the joys in my life, I wish you all the very best in 2017. May it bring everything you hope for.

While you need your friends and family more than ever when illness strikes, nothing disconnects you more than illness. With a sick child, your life is taken over with appointments, scans, consultations, and hospitalizations and the last thing you have room for is connecting with others. It is a sad side effect of illness, but one you don’t think about while you’re going through it.

Grief is also disconnecting. You don’t want to feel alone, but only want to be alone. Grief goes with you everywhere. For many years, I stayed at home secluding myself in fear of seeing the outside world. Anything but the hospital was foreign to me. I’m not sure how or when, but I slowly realized that healing is largely about reconnecting and getting back to the world I used to inhabit. I slowly sought out activities and friends while knowing that the process would be one step forward and two steps back at best. I learned to take small steps and to be gentle with myself.

It was hard to start reintegrating – I had been by Taylor’s side through five years of illness and could not get out of the darkness for a long time after her death. But slowly, the sun shined and a smile returned to my face. I needed to live life the way Taylor would want me to and I realized I was not alone.

Connections also come from the strangest corners. Just the other day was Worldwide Candle Lighting Day to remember children around the world who have died. At 7 pm wherever you live, you light a candle in memory of your lost loved one for an hour. All around the globe in different time zones, people keep flames alive. Though we don’t know all these other people, we felt an intense connection that was warm, healing, and all about life. We knew we were not alone.

If you are grieving or tending to a sick child, try to take a minute to feel the connection of others and take in their love. It will remind you of the joy in your life and fuel you for when the dark periods come.